Liar Liar Pants on Fire!

Well it's been a rough couple of weeks, but I'm hanging in there. I found out something recently that just knocked me out for a while. I contemplated whether I should share this on my blog or not and finally I decided to because I did say when I created this blog that I will talk about anything and by that I also meant I'd be open. Anyway I ramble in an effort to delay my recent discovery, which is (drum roll please) I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me =O, scandalous I know. This revelation was made though his own admission, even though on the day of the heinous transgression I had called him and his attitude made me suspicious, but I just shrugged it off - never shrug female intuition off. Now imagine my shock on hearing, at first I was convinced he was joking (since at one point he did try to pass it off as such). To make matters worse this bitch is someone I knew was after his ass (his ex) and I warned him but he still let himself get sucked in. So of course I experienced the flood emotions that goes along with any betrayal - anger, disbelief, self pity, sadness, anxiety...

But the one thing I never did was cry and I actually didn't want to cry. Which at first I thought was strange, but then I realized I didn't want to cry because I've become used to boyfriends cheating. Then I started to wonder, why is that so? Is there something wrong with me or do I just suck at choosing men? And after thinking about it for awhile, I came to the conclusion it's none of these things, because I know I'm a real catch, I'm good looking, sexy, great personality and I know how to treat a man and I'm not being cocky but that's the truth. As for choosing men I've used every method in the book and dated all the types you can think of (good looking, ugly, rich, broke, skinny, fat, shy, out going...) and for the most part it usually the same end result. So what is the problem in my humble opinion? The society I live in.

Now I know some of the Jamaican's that read this are going to get mad at me, but it's my observation and I'm in no way saying there aren't Jamaican men who don't cheat. I'm certain there are, but let's be honest the ratio of cheater to none cheater is disproportionate with the heftier sum falling on the cheater side. Why? because men having multiple female companions in this country is accepted and even encouraged. And I know some folks are going No way, nobody accepts that what are you talking about? Want to know what I'm talking about take a look at the media and entertainment.

As well as being laden with general images of sex to sell just about everything (even fruit juice), many advertisements conjure images of one man getting, a number of women because they used or consumed a certain product. This one man, plenty women concept is further emphasized by dancehall artist who boast about getting many girls, while the females artiste affirm this behaviour by singing she only keeps one man and/or that even though the man has other women (matey) it's ok because she's the wifey. Check Lady Saw's most recent video.

This has lead to popularization of stupid concepts such as half of a good man is better than no man and 'bunning' with respect. Which always blows my mind how anyone can be respectful when cheating, since cheating is a the ultimate form of disrespect in a relationship. Truly what the term 'bunning' with respect really means is be as crafty and sneaky with your cheating as possible so you don't get caught, that way you partner can maintain the false sense of repect they think you have for them.

The funnier thing about cheating in this country is while men are praised for having multiple female partner, the same men have a zero tolerance policy on women cheating on them. We've (Jamaicans) all seen the news what men do when they find out their women have given the good stuff to another man.... But I guess until we begin socialise our sons into not accepting this disrespectful habit, me rambling about it is really a waste of time. So on to the bigger question that you actually want to know the answer to: Did I kick his ass to the curb?

No I did not. I thought about it long and hard, along with some wicked punishment I wanted to exact on him, after I calmed down a bit I realised those options really would not make me happy in the long term. So after I did the whole mortally wounded deer in the head light routine, drilled him to death about it, lay on the guilt trip (and I laid it on real thick), reminded him why he will never find another girl as good as me (no really, never)  and after he apologized profusely I accepted his apology and forgave him. I forgave him more for myself than for him, unforgiveness really eats away more at the person who has been wronged than it does at the person who commits the infraction - and I just don't want to be bitter and full of baggage.

However, this does not mean the trust has been totally repaired this is something that will take time; but when I reflect on the relationship we've had so far it has been very fulfilling and I love him and I believe he loves me too (even though he let his dick get the better of him). And I am a believer in second chances, but if your ass ever cheats on me again don't think for a minute to even say your sorry, because I'll make you wish... hmmm I don't think I should finish that sentence, just don't do it again.

NB for any one of my none Jamaica readers who are wondering what bun or bunning  is, it's a Jamaican slang for being unfaithful to your lover/spouse. Transulated into english the word would be burn or burning, so therefore when you cheat you're burning your lover/spouse - there is a variety of ways you can use this word bun in a sentence e.g.she give him bun or him bun her (har). Sounds weird when it's not said in patois (Jamaican dialect) but the concept holds true.

Big shout out to KS aka Scot you are my number one fan and one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world, I love you! However, don't say or ask me anything about this post when you read it. Thanks.