Fake It Till You Make It!

I’m not a believer in faking anything, after all who likes a fake? Isn’t that why some people will pay hundreds, even thousands of dollars for a genuine Louis Vitton leather hand bag even though the rip off looks just as good and may even be just as durable? But let’s admit it some things we just can’t help but faking, if not for ourselves, then for others. Like an organism (yeah I had to go there). I mean really, is there such a thing as a woman who has never faked an orgasm? I’ve never met one. But why do women fake it? Well there are many reasons, the most common ones being, the sex is boring, tired, self conscious/body issues, painful and a headache (yes sometimes we really do have a headache).

And overall with all of the above taken into consideration, the number one reason women fake orgasms (in my opinion); they don’t want to hurt his feelings. Most men take it personal when they discover you were not particularly blown away by what he thought was an award winning performance, so women will fake it to keep that fragile ego intact. And yes I have faked quite a few myself and the thing that always amazes me is that men are usually oblivious to the fact that, that earth shattering orgasm was just an Oscar winning performance. But like a former friend of mine once said she’ll never tell him she didn’t enjoy it, she will continue faking it till she makes it! I don’t know if she ever succeeded on that one.

But anyway, why do men seem not to be able to tell when it’s faked? Well I’ve given this some thought and I think a lot of men tend to make love to a woman the way a man would want it done to them and this for the most part will not produce real results. Sadly, women are more technical creatures than men where sex is concerned. I say sadly because which woman doesn’t want to be horny as a goat the moment she sees her lover and have mind blowing, multiple orgasmic sex every single time she their bodies meet? I know men will despair at hearing this, but if you really want to rock her world you will have to turn her on upstairs (in her mind) before you head down south. Now how you do this is totally dependent on the individual woman and I leave that up the man to figure out – with the help of his lady of course. Just don’t jump on it and expect her to be an instant porn star, because that’s exactly what you will get, a lot of acting!

Speaking of porn stars I digress a little, but I feel compelled to share some observations I have made of men who habitually watch porn (even if not necessarily addicted to it). And these observations are all based on my own personal experiences.

· They tend to always expect a porn like performance every time you do it with them – personally I don’t mind being his dirty little sex slave every now and then, but every single time? It gets old really fast.

· They always skip foreplay. It’s like they think you are always be hot and ready every time you see them.

· They are usually a bit rough in bed and seem to find it hard to get more personal/close to you sexually; sex is never slow and intimate.

· And my number one peeve where this is concerned, they always want to twist you into a pretzel or some other awkward shape.

Needless to say they perform less than satisfactorily in bed to me and of course I fake it.

Some men do care, oh the confessions I've heard...

I cannot end this post without cluing in men on a few of the things that will give a hint that she’s faking, that is the men who actually care because some men are happy as long as the had one. And don’t get mad ladies this secret give away might benefit you in the long run. These are not hard and fast rule but they might help.

1. Dry vaginas – If you’ve been hitting that for half an hour and she told you that she just ‘came’ but the pum pum is dryer than the Sahara desert then you probably missed the target.

2. No spasm a.k.a. the pums doesn’t jump – If she just had an orgasm and you didn’t feel those wave like spasms gripping you down there, again you have missed the mark. Even though she may be able to fake this too. But the real thing tends to be more intense and spasms tends to be less than a second behind each other.

3. Lots of hooting and hollering and praises in graphic descriptive sentences at the supposed point of no return, might indicate you have a faker. If you hit it real good it chances are she will not be able to shout out a whole sentence telling you what you just accomplished. Inaudible or incoherent speech and one word, one syllable sentences will suffice.

4. Bounces out of bed right after that great orgasm – Trust me, the climax of a good love making session will leave her a little week in the knees, she will want a few minutes to recuperate.

As I said before these tips are not hard and fast rules as even these she can learn to fake too, so if you really want to give her the real thing make her comfortable, get to know her and what really turns her on and when you get the real thing trust me you will notice the difference. So as I sign off on this post I would like to wish all the ladies (and men) a Christmas full of many wonderful orgasms but if you not having it, in the mean time have fun and good luck faking it!